SHARE

Sex is usually not a topic favoured by conventional, button up folk but it sure ain’t absent in millennial conversation.

In fact, its revered. We’ve all sorts of colourful terms, references and inside jokes that revolve around coitus (wink wink).

Since *none of us shy away from discussing our sex lives anymore, I thought finding out about ‘the first time’ would be a rather enlightening journey for all of us, indeed.

So to keep things interesting I’ve compiled a list of blatantly honest accounts from 3 guys and 3 girls about their first time between the sheets (or not).

So, uh. I have a weird lava lamp. #lavalamp #penis #awkward #nsfw #badchoices #latergram #ohmy #inappropriate

A post shared by Samantha Gossman (@suhmanthaaaa) on

1. Nolene James

“I was the very geeky girl. You know the one in class that always had the answers? I never went out at all. My social life involved reading.

After three years of slaughtering my reputation in high school, my cousin moved to Pretoria from Durban, and decided that it was her new goal in life to make sure I don’t die a virgin. She started taking me to parties and clubs.

To be honest, I prefer the dark comforting corner in class where nobody could see me.

Anyway a lot of drunk people would come up to me and touch me, but that NEVER made me feel sexy, it only made me to want to take a shower.”

“Eventually my cousin hooked me up with this really hot guy that I thought, didn’t know I existed. The cr#p part however was when my cousin told me that he was very experienced and I had to ‘be ready’.

So as stupid as I could be, I asked my friend (the only person I know that does not have a vagina) if he could break my virginity. After the painful experience took place, he said that he had feelings for me.

Now that was not even the awkward part. I told him that I didn’t feel the same. It was just because I didn’t want to be a virgin. Lying naked next to him in silence afterward? Now that was the awkward part!”

2. Armand Pieters

“Well this is not really the happily ever after story people would want to hear. It was nothing special.

I went out with my friends to a club and met this girl on the dance floor, and we just had one or two drinks and all the dancing made us so warm that we wanted to step outside for a while. We shared a kiss.

After that we went to the bathroom and you know…”

Haha so much this 😙 #awkward #byefelicia #peaceout #sorryisaidsomethin #didntmeantobringitup

A post shared by Raven Adie (@onegreatfulbitchxo) on

3. Jess Kruger

“Oh my gosh, absolutely amazing. The guy was not a virgin, so he knew his way around. Back then we were still together. Hell he knew what he was up to.

I just had to ‘sit back and enjoy the ride’. After that I was so lazy that I couldn’t even move. So he had to dress me while I just lay there.”

4. Jason Mostert

“My girl and I were together for quite a while, and her parents left the house to visit an old friend. I made the classic proposal of ‘we have the house to ourselves’.

Turns out that was on her mind as well. So we went upstairs in a rather awkward silence since we both knew what was going to happen next.

Everything started rather slow… and weird. Even kissing was clumsy. Luckily that clumsy phase rapidly evolved into something far more heated, only to halt to a complete stop. Turns out her older sister never went with her parents.”

5. Marilly Horn

“My first time, was more of a failed attempt. Since I didn’t know the guy for all that long, I had a one night stand in mind. I was very young and naïve. So when things got cooking he told me to touch his ‘little man’.

via GIPHY

Just keep in mind that I never even had my first kiss. ”

Anyway, so when I did touch his little man, I felt that it had hardened. So I immediately stopped kissing him and yelled out: ‘sh*t are you ok?What is going to happen to you?!’

Yep, we never spoke after that evening.”

Related Article: Why are you so selfish in bed?

6. Francois Rabie

“Its actually quite a romantic story. So me and my friend went out for dinner and a movie. Yes, it’s very 90s but we are into those type of dates.

Afterwards we went back to his place and there where candles and roses everywhere. One thing lead to another, but it was the best night of my life.

So I decided it was time to tell my mom and dad about my lover.

P.s they did not know that I was gay back then. So I went to see them and I said, ‘I am no longer a virgin’. My dad just looked at me and said that as long as I don’t get anyone pregnant he won’t mind and I responded stating that biologically it was not possible.

He did not laugh at my joke.”

– Richelle Neethling